I was always one of those …
“oh I will definitely Breast Feed”
I didn’t really think about it before falling pregnant or in fact during my first pregnancy. It was very much . . . IN THE PLAN
Also in my plan however were real nappies. Yes, those soft luxury looking powder puffs, but that is an entirely different story altogether! At each appointment with the Nurse she would ask about Breast Feeding, reciting all the benefits and every time I would say ‘oh yes that’ll be me!”
Naturally I am a 32 DD/E cup, I absolutely hate them BTW. However, when I became pregnant at my biggest I would say I reached a 34G cup. Now on a 5’1” body that is some size to be carrying up top never mind the 8-pound bambino growing down below. They were unbelievably sore, covered in stretch marks and so terribly itchy!!!
Once my gorgeous girl had arrived into the world I immediately put her up to my breast
to see if she would feed, you see this is what I thought happened, you immediately fed them. The Nurse however slowed me down and advised that technically she would have still been feeding until the cord was cut so not to put to much pressure on it straight away. She was probably just needing a snuggle after her dramatic entry into the world. What a wonderfully brief moment!
Roll on a couple of hours and we have been moved to the maternity ward. As it turns out I have to stay a night or two. I was advised that as this was my first I should stay in so they can help me master feeding on my own. I gladly accepted. I remember vividly the first time she tried to feed, it was the strongest sensation ever, almost like someone was taking razor blades to my nipples. The harder she sucked the the more my nipples would balloon and the wave of pain would fill me top to toe. I persevered trying to coax my nipple into a little teat for her to latch onto…but it just wasn’t working!
When you first start feeding the golden liquid that comes out is so beneficial to your child and full of goodness. I had bucket loads, the only problem was getting it out. My boobs had swollen like footballs and the nipples were so raw. The more I anxiously pulled and prodded the worse and less effective they became. I cried! Lying in my hospital bed next to my new-born I cried. In fact, I sobbed my bleeding heart out. I had this little bundle lying next to me and I felt so unbelievably low. Not what I had excepted at all. My rose tinted glasses had been firmly removed.
Labour itself was less than six hours, no real drama, one shot of pain relief but relatively smooth running compared to some I have heard about. So what was the deal here!? Why was I unable to feed my daughter?? I wanted to, gosh I so wanted to. I kept trying, the Nurses kept trying. To be fair I was at the stage of shear exhaustion, I had a 5.30am baby and running close to bed time now I just needed to sleep. So I succumbed to asking the nurse for a premade bottle, to which she wasn’t that forth coming with to be honest.
By the second day I needed home. Home to my husband and home to my own bed. I was feeling pretty low and certainly not euphoric with my new born child. Constantly thinking about how I was going to feed her, what a heavy weight!! That day I constantly tried to erect my nipple but to no avail. Sensing my woes my husband appeared with a bottle! “It never did us any harm” he said. As if by magic my shoulders relaxed and my head space was clear. I was able to really soak in all of my daughter. Her nose, her eyes, her ear, her fingers and oh that sweet smell. My tears were not of pain but of pure joy.
‘Hi I’m your Mummy!’